To clear up the man-child’s stuffy nose, we sometimes pull out his arch-nemesis, the aspirator. He really thinks the aspirator is great fun to play with on its own, but if you try to suction out his nose, he flips out and hurls his head in every possible direction—as any normal person should do when confronted by an assailant attempting to shove something up his or her nose.
After repeatedly failing to aspirate him, but successfully angering him, I thought I would show Joseph that the aspirator was nothing to be scared of by aspirating his toy alligator. This is about the time that I realized that I had officially lost the ability to think rationally as a result of parenting. But you need to keep in mind that I already tried bribery and the socratic method to no avail, and desperate times call for desperate measures.Despite my creativity, and the obvious lack of physical or emotional harm to the toy alligator, Joseph still held a deep-seeded mistrust of the aspirator when I pointed the business end at his nose. However, he did take the aspirator from me and demonstrate to me how to properly aspirate an alligator.
I tried to get a video of this, but this picture gives you an idea. Sometimes he aspirates the alligator’s eyes, but he also does a pretty good job of getting the thing in the alligator’s plastic nostrils for a not-quite-one-year-old.
7 comments:
Ha ha ha! Todd, I love your writing! Very funny. You should forget law and write novels/articles instead (sorry Erin). Yeah, I know, not much money there. :) Just keep blogging. I'm loving the stories. Joseph is so cute. I miss him. I can't wait to see him tomorrow night! Incidentally, I think every child ever confronted with the "business end" of an aspirator has turned into something reminiscent of a tornado. :)
HE IS SO CUTE!!
isn't todd the best dad? i would have NEVER though to aspirate the alligator in an attempt to make the process more appealing to joseph. of course it didn't work, but you have to give him credit for the creativity.
and i think liz's idea isn't half bad. i think todd could totally write books and articles ... maybe on parenting (he could write a guide for stay-at-home daddies!) or golf.
Thanks for the encouragement. I’ve actually started writing my first two books.
The first is a young-adult romance novel. It’s about a girl who moves to a new high school and struggles to fit in. She eventually falls in love, but here’s the twist: her crush is a vampire!
My second book is sort of a stream-of -consciousness novel about a guy who wanders around Dublin for a day, but nothing really happens.
The vampire book is turning out to be more complex though, so I may stretch it out into 3 or 4 books and throw in some werewolves or something
Todd, you make my day.
Seriously, you are a great writer.
The vampire thing hasn't really been done, you should totally pursue it.
Also, your kid is the cutest. That is all.
That's it... do you still want me as a nanny? Because I'll take the job. That baby is just now learning how to aspirate? He needs some intervention...give me a week, and I'll have him taking the alligator's blood pressure.
Todd for President!
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