Despite appearing on the "local" news, these stories always happen in a state nowhere near your own and are usually preceded by an unrelated story about a remarkable third grader (who also doesn’t live in the same state as you and lives in a different time zone than both you and the heroic dog). This is one reason why I never watch the local news.
But, inspired by the stories of life-saving pets, I conducted my own experiment today to see what Joseph would do if I were suddenly knocked unconscious.
This all came about spontaneously when Joseph tackled me (he does this frequently). While bracing myself to hit the floor, I nearly bumped my head on some hard plastic toy that I hadn’t seen when I planned my fall.
As I lay on the floor, I thought to myself, "What would Joseph do if I were suddenly incapacitated by being knocked unconscious?" I then stayed on the floor and held very still.
Through this experiment I found that Joseph would
1.) Try to run over my head with his Corn Popper riding toy
2.) Throw golf balls at my legs
3.) Go to the other side of the room and play with a doorstop
4.) Not make it on the local news for saving my life when I become incapacitated
Now, some of you nay-sayers may be thinking, "He knew you were faking, so your results aren't valid."
To you I say, "I was holding really, really still."
Now, some of you other nay-sayers may be thinking, "You should have waited longer to see what he would do after he played with the doorstop. Maybe he just didn’t notice that anything was wrong yet."
You have a point.
But, after he had played with the doorstop for a while, he came back over to my (seemingly lifeless) body and started to throw golf balls again, but this time he was aiming north of my legs, so I abandoned my experiment with the hope that I would not be precluded from one day repeating this experiment with Joseph’s future siblings.
The rest of you nay-sayers (we have a lot of nay-sayers who read this blog) are thinking, "You didn’t use the scientific method. How do I know your experiment was reliable?"
For you, I have reproduced my findings below, using the scientific method taught to me in public schools:
Problem – What are you trying to figure out? Write this in the form of a question.So, writing this reminded me how much I really didn’t like science classes at all.
What would Joseph do if I were suddenly incapacitated by being knocked unconscious?
Hypothesis – What do you think you are going to find out?
Joseph will try unsuccessfully to revive me
Materials – List the materials you will use in the experiment.
Joseph
Me, pretending to be unconscious
Room full of household objects
Procedures – Make a detailed list of the steps in your experiment.
I will stay on the floor
I will hold very still
I will keep my eyes barely open so that it looks like they are shut, but I can still see
I will wait to see what Joseph does
Results – What did you observe when you performed the experiment?
1.) Joseph tried to run over my head with his Corn Popper riding toy
2.) Joseph threw golf balls at my legs
3.) Joseph went to the other side of the room and played with a doorstop
Conclusion – From what you observed, how would you answer your original question?
Joseph would:
1.) Try to run over my head with his Corn Popper riding toy
2.) Throw golf balls at my legs
3.) Go to the other side of the room and play with a doorstop
It's no wonder America can't get kids to like science. Instead of telling kids, "Hey, want to learn about dinosaurs? Or how to blow things up? or how to help sick people get healthy?" we say, "Fill out every step of this repetitive form, or else you have to do the whole thing all over again." There has got to be a better way to introduce kids to science than making them fill out tedious worksheets--that's what math class is for :) .
Anyway, I guess this whole post was just my way of saying if you want to see what Joseph is up to, don't bother watching the local news, just look at this website.
--Joseph learning he won't make it on to the local news--
7 comments:
It's been 5 minutes since I read this post, still laughing. My children will probably be learning about this study when they get in to school
i bet he would have tried to save *me.* because i make him spinach smoothies, and he would really miss them.
Umm, I'm pretty sure this is the funniest blog in the world, and it's not even because I love Joseph so much it makes me want to cry.
I know Joseph has two VERY smart parents and will probably be a genius himself, but that is asking a lot of a 16 month old! And Erin, I'm thinking he wouldn't save you just because of the spinach smoothies. I mean aren't peaches or bananas healthy too? At least maybe some avacado! I kid.
I look forward to your posts and have Rich hooked too. We need to start planning to get together very soon!
this is the funniest thing I've ever read.
"I give props to those who deserve it and believe ya'll your worth it." -Lauryn Hill
I'm sure if you talked to idealist science or math grad students in or out of the education department they would assure you that the boring and repetitious way we learn both of those subjects is part of the reason why we have so many complaints about the math and science education of our students in the first place. Since I only taught one year I do not know how the standardized testing and other such things limit teachers and eventually lead to just more worksheets. I, as always, enjoyed the entry.
Just in case this IS what you are looking for, Todd, I have to say that Joseph is still the cutest little guy around and that I just love, love, love your updates. My favorite recently is definitely Joseh imitating the businessman from the late 80s or early 90s. What a trip!
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