All About Dr. Joseph

This is a post about Joseph. Because he is just that funny, and he deserves a post dedicated to some of the funny things he says and does (whether or not anyone will read this whole thing ... I just want to get these down in one place.)

***Joseph and the "dragon" that he made out of blocks (relying on the "menu" or "directions" that he had drawn to tell him how to build the dragon).***

Joseph and the Pet


Joseph (like many children) has always loved animals. He loves running into dogs at the park and when we're out walking, he loves playing with my mom's cat, he loves going to the zoo and to the pet store. At one point I even considered (briefly) getting a dog back before Joseph had a sibling, but then I saw that they were about as much work as getting him a sibling so we did that instead. Anyway, it was inevitable that he finally formally ask for a pet. This happened the other night.

He said, "Can we go to the petstore and get a pet to come home and live with us?" (Note the precision in his language. More on that later.)

I said, "What kind of pet would we get?"

He said, "A worm."

I figured that was pretty reasonable, so I said, "Maybe."

Emboldened, he continued: "Can we get a kitty cat?"

"No, kitty cats make daddy sick. But you can play with Grandma White's kitty cat."

"Do dogs make daddy sick?"

"No."

"Can we get a dog then?"

"No, because we don't have a yard for the dog to play in and go potty in, and dogs don't use the toilet."

Joseph's final plea: "I will wipe the doggies bummy."

Anyway, anyone know anything about worm care?

Joseph the Linguist

Joseph is really clever with language. He seems to really understand nuances in words and really likes experimenting with new ones.

For example, the other day he tested out a new word:

"I have an email hypothesis."

"What is your hypothesis?"

"It's about email in the water. It's an interesting hypothesis."

The next day, he was testing "worried" and "worrying." Everytime we asked what he was doing, he was "worrying" about one thing or another: "I'm worried about Audrey. I'm worried about those cars."

Similarly, he's good at using nuances in language to try to get out of trouble. For example, when he's getting in trouble for "hitting," he explains that he was actually "patting," "clapping," "tapping," or any number of euphemisms he's come up with. When we ask him not to "step over" Audrey, he clarifies that he was "jumping over" her. He fell off of our bed the other day, and explained that it wasn't a fall: "I didn't fall; it was a jump. When I sometimes fall over, it's a jump."

Another example: Often when Joseph is grouchy in the morning (for instance, because he had stayed up till 10 the last two nights ...), he'll yell at me, "go away!"

Todd will have talks with him about needing to be nice to mommy. The other day, after having a talk, Joseph came back into the room and said brightly, "hi mommy! how are you mommy!" and then declared he had said a nice thing.

A few days later, however, he was a bit cleverer. After getting in trouble for yelling "go away!" at me, he said, very sweetly, "mommy, will you please go away?" and then said, "I said it nicely."

I think he's also figured out that his parents are good with language, too, and so he has learned to be very precise when he asks for things so that we cannot twist his words and give him something else. For example, the other day Todd had a drink that Joseph wanted. Rather than just asking for a drink (because he has learned that Todd will say "yes" and then get him a different drink, even though we all know Joseph wants Todd's drink), Joseph said, "Can I have that green drink right there in your hands." Hard to get around that one.

He has also figured out language to always be right. The other day he was reading a chapter book ... not a kid's book ... specifically, he was reading "The Elements of Style" by White and Strunk. I told him, "Joseph, that book doesn't have any pictures in it." He responded, "Yes it does. It has pictures of words."

He's also really into "matching" and "categorizing" things. A few months ago Joseph would often tell us that certain things were his "favorite." Examples: "lettuce is my favorite kind of a vegetable"; "a horse is my favorite kind of an animal." (Don't think he really knows what "favorite" means because he will then go on to tell us that "broccoli is his favorite kind of a vegetable" and that "dolphins are his favorite kind of animals." Anyway, he was making a "lawnmower" today out of tinker toys and said:

"Lawnmowers are my favorite kind of a ... kind of a ... [pause as he tries to figure out what kind of category lawnmowers fit into]. Lawnmowers are my favorite kind of a vacuum!"

Joseph the Joker

Along with his interest in new words, he likes to make up jokes that play on words. I think this is actually quite sophisticated for a three year old. Here are his jokes:

"One day, I was walking in the night." It took us a while to figure out that he thinks this is funny because you say day and night.

Another one: "Meat-eaters eat plants."

Joseph and Audrey

Joseph loves Audrey and is almost always really sweet with her (though he still has trouble sharing with her. Luckily she doesn't notice this yet.) The other day he said, "I like my baby sister, Audrey." Todd said something like, "Yes, she's cute. That's nice of you to say." Joseph replied, "I'd like a baby brother too someday."

Joseph's Baptism

Just FYI, it's going to be awesome when Joseph gets baptized in a few years. Here's why.

A few weeks ago we took him to a baptism. After watching, he said, "When I get bigger and get baptized, can I wear goggles?"

Todd said, "no, but you can just close your eyes when you go in the water."

Joseph responded: "That won't work. I'm going to wear goggles . . . and flippers."

Joseph the Golfer

Joseph is still really into golf. He likes to pretend he's Tiger Woods (pre-scandal) and usually if anyone else is golfing with him, he makes that person be Kenny Perry. His other favorites are Phil Mikelson and Rory McIlroy. Lately, he also likes to pretend that Audrey is his caddy, and he asks her for imaginary balls and golf clubs.

Joseph and Preschool

Joseph has been in preschool for a little over a month now and he loves it. We think it's helping him to be a little more independent and social. We're happy he's happy there.

The End.